Simplicity is a way of life

Life is simple. All it takes is a positive outlook in everything that comes up. :) Reading psychology books will help you understand yourself. Keeping in mind that it depends on your coping skills to stand strong against adversities. Here's a helpful website. www.coping.org

Obsessed

I see him on television, dancing and singing, his motions so fluid, his voice so pleasant to the ears. His characteristics attract me. He's like a cool shower on a sunny day; a person of vigor and energy. A magnetic personality. I feel like toward him. I wish to talk to him like I would to a friend. He makes me feel like we're best buds, when I've never even stood ten feet in front of him. He makes me feel special just by doing what he does -- entertain.

He's so likable. I wonder what made him the way he is. I wish I could read his autobiography published two years ago.

My feelings near fantasy. Because I am aware that we could never be part of each other's lives. Hmm, but who am I to say that? I have my fears, that he expects a lot from people he meets. We could be living in two different worlds, it's possible we won't even like each other if or when we meet. That's enough for me to want to live apart from him. I will contradict myself and say, I think I'm mistaking him for a person who don't relate well with other people in real life. I think he does, but so many things take up so much of his time, that he may not have enough time to meet new people.

This desire to make contact with him is so powerful, I am beginning to wonder if it's good. I can already imagine what is going to happen. Me, awestruck, starstruck, grinning like a fool, eyes shining and big enough to alarm anybody, looking at him like one would view the glorious earth from space. Him, calm, readying himself to act like a good celebrity would to his number one fan, showing only the side of him that made him become the content of the minds and hearts of numerous girls and to be emulated by gents in the nation. Hi, I'm 'damean', I'm a fan of yours. *grin* Him: *Big grin* Hello! Nice to meet you, damean. And he would say and do things that would make me laugh and like him even more.

(I'm quite sure he would have no trouble in the pick-up department.)

He's a dream. Period. A dream built on illusions. Because we admire people on T.V., because we seldom see the bad in them, if not, at all. We always see the glitter, not the sweat and the work and the sleepless nights. They're trained to be admired by millions of people. That's how they will earn their wages more. A life in showbiz is a life on its own. It's separate from their reality. Because in real life, they're not perfect. On cam, they strive to be perfect, they should. Off cam, they're people like you and me, but they're worth admiring for for the work they put in their craft.

They woo their audience to an extent that the audience falls for them. We all want to be entertained, we're like little children who laughs at something delightful in their eyes. We wish to be entertained. Aside from that, we try to emulate them because they seem to have everything we wish for in our lives. They seem to be who we want to be.

I wonder if they have insecurities, I wonder if they have their fears, I wonder if they have their disappointments. Then I realize, they won't have reached the top without going through what we go through every day. What makes them different is they are out there getting the job done. They don't wallow in frustrations and don't dwell on disappointments. They move forward.

The entertainment industry has gone from acrobats in the court of kings to actors being idolized by the millions. They deserve a bit of respect. Although they allow a part of their personal lives to be interfered by others, they too, need their privacy and space. To distance oneself from them is a sign of respect for them. Admiration and adoration is best shown through respect and honor.

Woman On A Pedestal

And yet another one about a woman, you say. It is also obvious to me that I have issues with women, which is strange to say because I myself, am a woman. But yes, that's why there are called catfights, which is another peculiarity because Cats are referred to as guys way back when. Meow, Rawr, and all that jazz, I guess, are expressions usually made by women, mostly in the West. Hmmm, but I'm not typing here to talk about my misunderstandings with my fellow women, nor the history of retro terminologies, no, I'm here to talk about a woman so incredible you'll have to kneel and bow down if you don't want to feel idiotic. Ever since I was a little girl, I always admired people with brains. To the point that I acquire "crushes" on those people. One particular girl caught my admiration. She's top of the class, graduated in a very good school, and now leading a successful career. It's her spirit that holds me in constant awe. She's the most secure being I've ever come across with in my life, she's fearless, she's warm, and she has a heart. In short, she's got everything inherent within her that I don't possess, inherently or acquired. YET. But one exception is the heart. I have my blunders in dealing with people, but I can claim that I have a heart.

=D

It's almost euphoric whenever I acknowledge her presence. The curious question is: Is this good, or bad? There does not seem to be a harm in it. Admiration is natural. But what I ask are the causes of it? Does it stem from a longing to become like that person you admire? Hmmmmm. I wonder. As I wonder, I'll give you quotes on admiration:

Thomas Mann (1875 ~ 1955)

"I have always been an admirer. I regard the gift of admiration as indispensable if one is to amount to something; I don't know where I would be without it."

ADMIRATION LINK

Morihei Ueshiba (1883 ~ 1969) was one of the world's greatest martial artists, as well as a Japanese philosopher. He pointed out that besides admiring others, we are to admire life itself. For everything has something to teach us.

In his book, "The Art of Peace," he writes, "Contemplate the workings of this world, listen to the words of the wise & take all that is good as your own.

"The secret of happiness is to admire without desiring."

Francis H. Bradley

I guess that quote up there in bold answers my question. I DO admire her because I desire to become like her, but then, it constricts me from becoming who I am, who I really am. I feel inferior. I feel lacking and incapable, when the opposite could only be true. So now I say to my true self: damean, you are as good as any president, king, queen, princess, philanthropist and saint; you are as good as that person who eats so stingingly so others could eat, or a person who exudes so much confidence like that young international singer from a third world country. You are as good as a person who has achieved his goals because of his positive thinking, competitiveness, and hard work. You have enough potential to be able to do what they can do.

(You are lucky to be near successful people, because you can learn from them. :) And, they wonder what you are going to do. So surprise them! Or better yet, exceed their expectations!!! :D)

Other Young Woman

In my recent post I mentioned about the other young woman. Now I will talk to you about her. I always find myself in a trouble whenever we are together. It's a mystery that, whenever I'm with her, I feel constricted. I build a wall, a wall so thick that during those times, we couldn't hear each other, because we wouldn't speak a word. She's always the one who initiates a conversation, never me, and when she does I could never relate. It could be because we have different interests, lifestyles and values. A snippet of delightful secret I could tell you is: I've once decided to stay away from her, to stop talking to her. My plans were devious, mind you. I hoped she would do the same to me. My presuppositions weren't true, of course. She continued to talk to me. She's a puzzle, ain't she? I must admit that it's hard for me to trust her. It's hard for me to feel ANYTHING relatively benign for her. Because of the mistakes she has made, it's hard. Because of my belief that she'll never change that character, it's hard.

It's putting my life at an ambiguous angle, I feel like a young boy teetering over a tree branch, and the ground is ten feet below. How will I let her know that I don't believe we'll ever mix together, like powdered juice and water. We live far too different lives. We believe in too many opposing things. I KNOW, I will never adjust to her lifestyle. Our core values seems to be the exact opposite, and heading in different directions. *Sigh

I just don't know how to resolve this. Shall I continue distancing away from her? Or shall I let her be my tool in learning how to relate to other people very well? Ahh, I shall do the latter. =)

Offense

As my gardener sweeps the cemented ground outside to collect the debris and leaves and dried grass, and I hear the *swish, swish, swish* of the broomstick as it scratches the ground, I begin to think about the reason why I will write about that certain person. She is a female. (I might as well reveal her gender else I forget who I'm writing about. She is very similar to this other young woman only, that she loves me more than the other one. She is a puzzle to me. I can never quite figure her out. We seldom talk to each other which is probably the reason why I feel so detached to her, yet, even so, she is that one person who offends me so. The gardener had gone quiet by this time, perhaps eating the donuts sprinkled with sugar in the backyard. (As I finished that last sentence I saw him walk towards the gate and open it and close it behind him. So his part in this narrative has ended.)

Even as I think about my grudges against her, my heart pounds with offense and I feel hurt. It's a hurt pride. It's a feeling so deep, so profound, and it seems to have been attached to the deep recesses of my soul. It's difficult to let go of, but I need to let go. I have to, if I want my self to be reconciled to that person, and also to my self (because I have committed the crime of not sharing to her what I feel, so it's trapped inside my heart), then I have to.

It's another puzzle how to tell her. It's not something I can say to anybody, it's hard when I'm so used to talk about external things that talking about the self is the most difficult thing to do. I couldn't invite a second party to mend our little disagreement, but the situation and conversation could only be understood by me and her. A one on one talk is the best solution.

A one on one talk is a communication from one soul to another, where the heart speaks. It's a time of bonding, where two souls confide the others' feelings. It's when one lets go of the ill feelings, and in return receives peace. A time of reconciliation.

One thing I have noticed. It's not only attached to the soul, but also the mind. That it confuses the mind is a mystery. The fact that we know why we are hurt, but the other fact that it also confuses us, is still unknown. Ahh, a revelation has struck my brain. The reason why we are confused, is because the mind doesn't understand why people do things, that could hurt somebody. We KNOW, but we DON'T UNDERSTAND. Why are people cruel? We know, but don't understand. We will never understand.

From my observations, I have collected certain facts that are again, puzzling me. I've seen the world through open lids, and I've seen people in front of me, who intentionally hurt other people. I've had it done to me countless times, I morosely say. And yet, these people seem unaffected. Seem dignified. I think it is "cool". And questions rose to my brain: "How do they do it?" "Have they always been like that?" I once asked a friend, I said, "Why are adults like that? Like they don't have emotions? They don't get offended. How about us, when we grow up, will we stop having emotions?"

He said, "Silly, no. They know how to HANDLE their emotions, not lose their emotions." My friend is five years younger.

But that was far away from my recollection when she did those unfair things to me. I realize now that we speak too little to each other.

My question now is: How do I maintain my dignity *grace under pressure*, or grace under attacks. I am aware it takes practice. It takes great maturity and open-mindedness to be unaffected by emotional onslaught. It also takes compassion for that person. It takes a recollection that I am a complete human being, with or without these attacks. Not only I, but she too. She's a complete human being who knows how to love, who knows how to get hurt just like I do.

Now that I realize that, I've come to see that I asked the wrong question. Now I ask, "How can I treat her better?" Because I must have done something to make her act the way she did.

Introduction to my blog

Here I will post reflections that are so deep like the ocean floor, I would be too scared to venture in it. I will speak of secrets that should only be known to me. All my hidden thoughts, good and bad, will be revealed in this blog. I will respect the people whom I shall speak about, because I know they all go through what I go through. This blog is created in hopes of me learning more about me, and create a way for me to improve. Any tendencies I have that will come up, I will acknowledge and take note of. This will also be a way for me not to waste everyday doing things that don't make an impact in my present and future life. The IMPORTANT things. But, the privacy of my family and friends will be respected. This will be inspirational, because readers will know that they have me experiencing things that they experience. This will be emotional, because all aspects of my life will be laid bare before your eyes. This will be a blog of lessons, because life continues to teach us something, and through deep reflections this will be realized.