Wow.

I will talk yet  again about a woman. She is someone who is  puzzled herself by her own behavior and thought patterns. She came across her old blogs and was surprised by what she wrote in these blogs. She seemed like a  different person, she seemed composed and comfortable in her own skin.  She was able  to speak  eloquently about her observations,  and able to bear in mind to be careful as it is a public blog. She  had a lot of class that now she felt  had left her. She seemed pure and unaffected by the harsh realities of  life. It's like she lived in a different world. Isolation, that's  probably the "culprit". And yes, it is true.

I wonder now, how bittersweet life is, how safe  you'd feel at one moment,  and  the next experience  horrible  and wronged.  I can pretend life is a  beach,  but so much has happened already,  and I can't believe in that anymore. People  have  changed. No matter if they experienced  one event  at  two different  time  periods, I am sure they would have been  affected and reacted  differently.  There  is less  concern for formality, class, maturity  and ethics. I believed  back then,  that these things existed. Now, several years later,  things changed. I'm not the same person as that person who seemed  to believe in them, and like someone who lived in  a penthouse in New York City, sophisticated and put together,  and I don't believe more people cared  about character. At present, I perceive more people care about money,  lavish lifestyles,  and fame no matter if they step on people as they do it. If you behave nicely people would think you want  to ask for a favor.  If you behave decently at all times, people  try to find something wrong about you.  Maturity these days is equated  to being a fighter, a survivor, someone who  is not afraid to hurt others or themselves as long as they and  their family  is protected. Ethics is not important anymore. In  fact, even  one professional I have contact with recommended one to cheat where if you followed the advice  would get you in jail.

It is easy to say  that  a person can  exist in this world  feeling safe, but  as experiences flow in that person's life, the same person will feel like happiness is not something that lasts. In fact, these days, you would need to work at it in order to achieve happiness. It's an achievement now.  It's not easy to experience anymore.

*Soupir*

Tres triste. Je ne pouvoir pas acces le web. Bon sang. Je me tressssss ennui. J'espere qu'il le Terre voulait disparaitre. LOL. J'espere qu'il je verrai mourir. Mon Dieu, que nous tous mourir. Je suis desole. Je suis mal lune. Errrrr. Qu'il vous tous pourrir dans quelques lieu obscur. Est le ordinateur aggraver ce situation seulement. Desole pour moi. Je agir comme un enfant. Ok, j'ai millieu maintenant.

Je m'ennui

Pardonnez-moi l'expression. Je suis insatisfait avec mon interconnecter problemes. C'est me frustrement. J'appele mon ISP et elle dire qui j'ai dire sur le deuxieme declaration qui j'ai fait. Je vouloir dire mots mal. LOL. P___in. *soupir* Egalement, mon copain est ne ecouter pas moi. Mon Dieu!!! Je suis desole. Qu'est-ce qu'il y a? Si oui, je m'ennui et furieux. P___in le monde! Bon sang. Hehehe. Je suis bons maintenant. Lol. Je besoin juste se dechainer un petit. *soupir* :~) Je t'aime.

Simplicity is a way of life

Life is simple. All it takes is a positive outlook in everything that comes up. :) Reading psychology books will help you understand yourself. Keeping in mind that it depends on your coping skills to stand strong against adversities. Here's a helpful website. www.coping.org

Obsessed

I see him on television, dancing and singing, his motions so fluid, his voice so pleasant to the ears. His characteristics attract me. He's like a cool shower on a sunny day; a person of vigor and energy. A magnetic personality. I feel like toward him. I wish to talk to him like I would to a friend. He makes me feel like we're best buds, when I've never even stood ten feet in front of him. He makes me feel special just by doing what he does -- entertain.

He's so likable. I wonder what made him the way he is. I wish I could read his autobiography published two years ago.

My feelings near fantasy. Because I am aware that we could never be part of each other's lives. Hmm, but who am I to say that? I have my fears, that he expects a lot from people he meets. We could be living in two different worlds, it's possible we won't even like each other if or when we meet. That's enough for me to want to live apart from him. I will contradict myself and say, I think I'm mistaking him for a person who don't relate well with other people in real life. I think he does, but so many things take up so much of his time, that he may not have enough time to meet new people.

This desire to make contact with him is so powerful, I am beginning to wonder if it's good. I can already imagine what is going to happen. Me, awestruck, starstruck, grinning like a fool, eyes shining and big enough to alarm anybody, looking at him like one would view the glorious earth from space. Him, calm, readying himself to act like a good celebrity would to his number one fan, showing only the side of him that made him become the content of the minds and hearts of numerous girls and to be emulated by gents in the nation. Hi, I'm 'damean', I'm a fan of yours. *grin* Him: *Big grin* Hello! Nice to meet you, damean. And he would say and do things that would make me laugh and like him even more.

(I'm quite sure he would have no trouble in the pick-up department.)

He's a dream. Period. A dream built on illusions. Because we admire people on T.V., because we seldom see the bad in them, if not, at all. We always see the glitter, not the sweat and the work and the sleepless nights. They're trained to be admired by millions of people. That's how they will earn their wages more. A life in showbiz is a life on its own. It's separate from their reality. Because in real life, they're not perfect. On cam, they strive to be perfect, they should. Off cam, they're people like you and me, but they're worth admiring for for the work they put in their craft.

They woo their audience to an extent that the audience falls for them. We all want to be entertained, we're like little children who laughs at something delightful in their eyes. We wish to be entertained. Aside from that, we try to emulate them because they seem to have everything we wish for in our lives. They seem to be who we want to be.

I wonder if they have insecurities, I wonder if they have their fears, I wonder if they have their disappointments. Then I realize, they won't have reached the top without going through what we go through every day. What makes them different is they are out there getting the job done. They don't wallow in frustrations and don't dwell on disappointments. They move forward.

The entertainment industry has gone from acrobats in the court of kings to actors being idolized by the millions. They deserve a bit of respect. Although they allow a part of their personal lives to be interfered by others, they too, need their privacy and space. To distance oneself from them is a sign of respect for them. Admiration and adoration is best shown through respect and honor.

Woman On A Pedestal

And yet another one about a woman, you say. It is also obvious to me that I have issues with women, which is strange to say because I myself, am a woman. But yes, that's why there are called catfights, which is another peculiarity because Cats are referred to as guys way back when. Meow, Rawr, and all that jazz, I guess, are expressions usually made by women, mostly in the West. Hmmm, but I'm not typing here to talk about my misunderstandings with my fellow women, nor the history of retro terminologies, no, I'm here to talk about a woman so incredible you'll have to kneel and bow down if you don't want to feel idiotic. Ever since I was a little girl, I always admired people with brains. To the point that I acquire "crushes" on those people. One particular girl caught my admiration. She's top of the class, graduated in a very good school, and now leading a successful career. It's her spirit that holds me in constant awe. She's the most secure being I've ever come across with in my life, she's fearless, she's warm, and she has a heart. In short, she's got everything inherent within her that I don't possess, inherently or acquired. YET. But one exception is the heart. I have my blunders in dealing with people, but I can claim that I have a heart.

=D

It's almost euphoric whenever I acknowledge her presence. The curious question is: Is this good, or bad? There does not seem to be a harm in it. Admiration is natural. But what I ask are the causes of it? Does it stem from a longing to become like that person you admire? Hmmmmm. I wonder. As I wonder, I'll give you quotes on admiration:

Thomas Mann (1875 ~ 1955)

"I have always been an admirer. I regard the gift of admiration as indispensable if one is to amount to something; I don't know where I would be without it."

ADMIRATION LINK

Morihei Ueshiba (1883 ~ 1969) was one of the world's greatest martial artists, as well as a Japanese philosopher. He pointed out that besides admiring others, we are to admire life itself. For everything has something to teach us.

In his book, "The Art of Peace," he writes, "Contemplate the workings of this world, listen to the words of the wise & take all that is good as your own.

"The secret of happiness is to admire without desiring."

Francis H. Bradley

I guess that quote up there in bold answers my question. I DO admire her because I desire to become like her, but then, it constricts me from becoming who I am, who I really am. I feel inferior. I feel lacking and incapable, when the opposite could only be true. So now I say to my true self: damean, you are as good as any president, king, queen, princess, philanthropist and saint; you are as good as that person who eats so stingingly so others could eat, or a person who exudes so much confidence like that young international singer from a third world country. You are as good as a person who has achieved his goals because of his positive thinking, competitiveness, and hard work. You have enough potential to be able to do what they can do.

(You are lucky to be near successful people, because you can learn from them. :) And, they wonder what you are going to do. So surprise them! Or better yet, exceed their expectations!!! :D)

Other Young Woman

In my recent post I mentioned about the other young woman. Now I will talk to you about her. I always find myself in a trouble whenever we are together. It's a mystery that, whenever I'm with her, I feel constricted. I build a wall, a wall so thick that during those times, we couldn't hear each other, because we wouldn't speak a word. She's always the one who initiates a conversation, never me, and when she does I could never relate. It could be because we have different interests, lifestyles and values. A snippet of delightful secret I could tell you is: I've once decided to stay away from her, to stop talking to her. My plans were devious, mind you. I hoped she would do the same to me. My presuppositions weren't true, of course. She continued to talk to me. She's a puzzle, ain't she? I must admit that it's hard for me to trust her. It's hard for me to feel ANYTHING relatively benign for her. Because of the mistakes she has made, it's hard. Because of my belief that she'll never change that character, it's hard.

It's putting my life at an ambiguous angle, I feel like a young boy teetering over a tree branch, and the ground is ten feet below. How will I let her know that I don't believe we'll ever mix together, like powdered juice and water. We live far too different lives. We believe in too many opposing things. I KNOW, I will never adjust to her lifestyle. Our core values seems to be the exact opposite, and heading in different directions. *Sigh

I just don't know how to resolve this. Shall I continue distancing away from her? Or shall I let her be my tool in learning how to relate to other people very well? Ahh, I shall do the latter. =)